One of the questions I get more then I can count is “Why don’t you just adopt?” There are so so SO many reasons why I urge you to stop asking people struggling with infertility this question. The first thing I want to say is that everyones journey is different. There are many reasons why some would choose adoption over IVF and vice versa. It’s a very personal decision for everyone. I myself really want to be able to carry a child, experience being pregnant, being able to feel and see my baby grow, feel he/she kick, go through child birth, and be able to breast feed my own child. I may not be able to pass my own DNA down but I want my husband to have the opportunity. That is why Jeff and I have decided to not adopt and go the donor egg IVF route.
I have actually had someone comment that they couldn’t believe I would allow someone else to donate eggs and use my husband to fertilize. That this is infidelity to them and they would never do that. That why don’t we just adopt. First of all…ouch. Please if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it. Obviously we have thought long and hard before going down this road. For some people that might be a problem. They might not want to use an outside person and that’s ok. Everyone in this boat has to choose their own path. We chose the best option for us, and that is between my husband and I.
Ok, the other portion of this decision is price. Most people assume that adoption is cheaper and easier then IVF. So. Not. True. To go through a private adoption agency you are looking at roughly $25,000 – $45,000. There are so many costs involved and I honestly don’t know all of them because we aren’t going the adoption route. I believe they can include an agency fee, travel, cost of the birth mothers medical expenses, etc. I’m sure it can take time to be matched as well. As you can see it is definitely not as cheap or easy as people think.
You CAN go through the the state to adopt which is much cheaper (I believe). However, it is still a very long process and just because they call and tell you that you have a baby it can fall through. I knew a woman who adopted in California and I believe had three babies fall through before getting her son. The other part of that is that hers is an open adoption so she frequently meets up with the birth parents and I just couldn’t do that on a regular basis. I don’t know how common that is but it is a real concern of mine. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure this is a wonderful route for certain people and I am sure it can be a good experience. It’s just not something I could do at this time.
Let’s move on to the cost of IVF. If you are lucky enough to have your own eggs the cost is around $15,000 to $20,000. This includes harvesting your own eggs, fertilizing them, implanting them back into you, and all the medications needed. This is for a “fresh” IVF. Once you have done that you can freeze your left over eggs for any further children you would like to try for. For that you are looking around I think $10,000 (I may be a little off on that). You would just be purchasing the medications and the cost of implanting since you already have eggs frozen.
Now on to what we have to do….an egg donor with IVF. This pumps up our cost considerably because of having a second person involved. If you think about it we are basically paying double for everything. Let me break it down a little. First off we have to pay an agency fee for finding the donor and coordinating everything, and we pay the donor a fee for her time and eggs. We also pay for her to get a psych eval, blood tests, and a contract through a lawyer, plus any travel fees. On top of that we pay for the actual procedure and medications. The total for this will be around $45,000 total give or take. The time for this can be anywhere from 2-4 months or sometimes longer depending on if you have to do more then one round (you may not get pregnant right away).
A little crazy right? I do struggle with being jealous of people who get to have babies the traditional way. To be able to use that money for other things. It will definitely be tight financially for us to be able to manage this. I can’t help but think of people who can’t manage that price and are unable to move forward with steps like this. Talk about devastating. To find out like me that I have no eggs and then to be faced with the cost. How much can a girl take right? However we persist. There is real fear that we could go through all of this and it won’t work. Yet we continue.
So please please please think about these things before you say “you can just adopt”. I hope this post brings awareness to those who have never had to go through the heartache and pain of adoption and IVF. I’m sorry if this was long and intense but I truly want to educate people. I am of course by no means an expert in anything but I did want to share what I do know. Thank you for sticking through this entire post and I hope you have a better understanding of the cost that goes into IVF and adoption.
We do have a Go Fund Me account if you would like to contribute to our baby fund. We couldn’t thank those who have donated enough. It means the world to us and you have no idea how every little bit counts. Again, thank you so much for stopping by this little blog and supporting us in our journey. I would love to hear from you so feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts and any questions you may have!